Every baby is going to go through teething. That miserable, extended period of time when they drool and whine and get diaper rash and generally just exist in a little puddle of slobber soaked discomfort. It’s pretty terrible for everyone, especially the baby who doesn’t understand that teeth are coming through and why that pitiful “Ennngggghhh” sound that keeps coming out of them isn’t helping.
Help! My mother has done nothing to assist me and she’s all out of ideas!
There are a few practical things you can do to help, cold wash cloths, safe things to chew on, a little tylenol on really bad days and even homemade popsicles made with your precious boob-juice. Since when is motherhood about doing practical, effective things though? Natural remedies and blatant placebo effects is where it’s at!
This is Sophie the Giraffe. She is an expensive and therefore perfect baby teether. She squeaks and babies love her. My precious snowflake has two. Sophie is no where near as effective as putting beaded jewellery on your infant though.
Fortunately, if you want to do nothing at all for your baby yet at the same time feel as though you are doing the best possible thing, you can put an amber teething necklace on your miserable infant and declare to the world that it made them all better!
Amber is a natural gemstone that is created when tree resin fossilizes. It has a long history in folk medicine for it’s alleged healing properties. The succinic acid that is found in the resin purportedly acts as an anti -inflammatory and is a drug-free way to relieve your child’s teething discomfort. Mostly, people who want your money and people who will believe anything are the ones that will tell you all about it’s miracle properties and magical healing powers. Also, people who love crystals.
Look at this perfect baby. Obviously his mother loves him the most. Everyone is jealous of this infant as he clearly has the most style of all the babies.
Apparently, the temperature of skin is the right temperature to release the power of the amber and putting a necklace on your baby is the best way to facilitate that etherial power of hogwash. Used since medieval times, there is no reason not to put a serious choking hazard on your baby in the pursuit of alternative and ineffective “medicine”. Everyone knows that the best and cutest medicine is ancient, unproven and possibly dangerous.
As long as your baby looks adorable in her amber teething necklace, everyone will know what a good mother you are and praise you for doing everything you can for your baby during such a painful time. If you take pictures and share with other mothers on the internet, they will start to look at you with admiration and awe. They may even begin to ask you questions about other facets of motherhood, that’s when you can really shine and tell them all your well-researched theories on topics like feeding your baby raw liver and why Jenny McCarthy is the best mother ever and a reputable source when you have to argue why you are not vaccinating your children.
photo credits:
wdroops / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA
nemuneko.jc / Foter.com / CC BY
dpgreen / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA
